Before you even mention the thoughtcatalog.com post of a similar topic, I know of it. It sucks. Click that, try to enjoy it, and know that this post will be better. No weak references to Batman here. In fact, I’m staying clear of all referential humor, all references are not humorous in nature.
People say I look like some celebrities that are fucking awesome. This can only mean one thing:
I am fucking awesome.
Now I’m completely heterosexual, but these are sexy men. Seriously sexy.
And I’m compared to them. I can only be seriously sexy then.
This is me and my pristine toilet in the background. This is me being sexy. Seriously. I somewhat see the resemblance in places (not the most perfect comparison picture, if there’s more demand for better pictures of me, I’m sure I’ll figure something out), but to me, I look much more goofy. Zach Braff is probably the closest celebrity, and even then… I’m more good-looking than that scrub. He doesn’t even deserve a picture here.
Of course, sexy isn’t just based on looks. It is also accomplishments, and current doings. What have I done? Maybe not quite as much as James Franco. But also, I haven’t had sex with dolls, so if sexy is also about what you haven’t done…well, count that down on the checklist of Things I Have Not Done That Are More Sexy Not Being Done. There’s probably other things I haven’t done that are completely and utterly sexy as hell, but I won’t gloat. Gloating isn’t sexy. Yet another thing to check on that list mentioned earlier. Of course, I have not hosted anything, not the Academy Awards, not a game show, not a party, not even a table. That can’t be sexy.
If you came here and saw that James Marsden is way sexier than James Franco and want to know what he’s done …tough shit, if you haven’t noticed the fucking title is James Franco-ish, not James Marsden-like.
What’s this obsession with looking like a celebrity that people keep bringing up to me? I’d rather be told that I write like “insert dumb but famous writer here”. Or speak like a retard during an all too rare moment of clarity that isn’t all that clear or rare enough. Or if looks are your thing, be told that I have a very distinct nose or some shit.